Long day. Long week. Long quarter.
This week and next and I’ll be done with this quarter of school. Sure, there’s a week of finals to follow, but finals don’t usually scare me. Finals are a generalized review. No finals question is as in-depth as a midterm question. So long as I can do any problem from the midterm, the final will be surmountable.
As the quarter has drug on, my PCS symptoms have gotten worse with (presumably) accumulated and heightened stress. The weekends and night times less and less are fully replenishing my stores of energy (and spoons) and I am running a bit ragged. I know I’m still improved from a few scant weeks and months ago, but it’s hard to feel it.
I’ve got a drag show in which I’m performing next saturday; that’ll be nice. Participating in my local drag/burlesque/performance community has been my only real creative outlet throughout my [relative stages of] convalescence. The performance is quite likely to leave me wrecked for the evening, but I’m willing to deal with that as it’s unlikely to properly set back my recovery or harm me.
Still no Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Every day without BJJ is a day I am *fully aware* I’ve been without BJJ. I miss my teammates, I miss the mats, I miss the technical challenges, I miss the human chess game, I miss the stupid building and shitty hair of my friends. I finally got an appointment with a neurologist for june 3rd and my main question is likely to be “What can I do to speed my recovery so I can safely and permanently return to the mats?”
I’ve still got friends and my lovely boyfriend and some swell sexy buddies. I’ve got my family. I’m almost through with my first [mostly] full year of college and I’ve done well! I’ve got more and more people understanding and accepting my gender. I’ve got new outfits and more on the horizon. I’ve got new friends and new possibilities.
I just want my fucking brain back. That’d be nice.
Writing this before I sleep but setting it to post tomorrow.
EDITED TO ADD: This is my shirt’s soundtrack, if you were curious.